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10/17/11 - Los Angeles, CA

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10/20/11 - Ann Arbor, MI

Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase

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Following is an excerpt from my upcoming E-Book “Way Of The Pro: Secrets of comfort the pros DON’T want you to know”

STAYING COOL LIKE A PRO:

The following secret cooling techniques are used by pros the world over.  They are cheap, fast, and guarantee that you will have a cool summer while everyone else is too hot.

1:  PCP- Always a summer favorite, this drug known as “Angel Dust”  causes your nervous system to malfunction, and allows you to experience reality minus the bad stuff.  While on PCP the summer heat will feel like the breath of God, and your mouth blood will taste like cold ice tea.  Comes in snortin and smoking forms. Check with your local dealer for current prices.

2: Ice Packs: Not just for bruises, these wonderful packs are filled with ammonium nitrate, a blue jam like jell that can be smeared all over the hot spots. Rub some on your asshole and underarms, or slather in between your fat folds.  If used sparingly a single bag can last a whole day.

3:  Knock yourself out with a hammer:  That’s right!  I said it! A hammer. Hammers are perfect for delivering a hard knock to your sweaty head, hit yourself hard enough with the hammer and your brain will be knocked against the side of your skull causing you to lose conciousness.  If your not awake, you can’t feel heat, and if you can’t feel heat, you’re cool, and that’s cool.

Now you’re a PRO!  Enjoy the summer, and don’t just stay cool. Live cool.