October 2011
1 post
ANN ARBOR COMEDY SHOWCASE
Hi Friends. I am going to be performing at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase next Thurs-Sat and I demand that you attend. This town looks awesome! They have their own video!
August 2011
3 posts
New episode of the Lavender Hour
My mouth goes commie on me.
July 2011
2 posts
New Lavender Hour: LIVE FROM DALLAS
June 2011
6 posts
Sexting Look
(courtesy of NYT and REDDIT! )
February 2011
4 posts
Vomit Party
Just got back from a splendid Hollywood Oscars party at a very famous hollywood actor’s house. I can’t say his name because we were all made to sign non-disclosure agreements a week before the party. For those of you who don’t live in Hollywood this might sound crazy, but it’s impossible for famous people to have real fun if they have to worry about someone reporting back...
January 2011
3 posts
STATE OF THE UNION
This is the state of the union address my penis wrote to my body.
Arms, Head, Torso, Chest, Stomach, Legs, Ass, Hands, Feet, and everything in between:
Tonight I want to begin by congratulating all the new cells that have recently regenerated throughout the entire body. We are also mindful of the empty patch on top of our head where there once was flourishing hair, and pray for the many hairs...
My maid died on my stairs
I came home today to discover my maid had died while carrying my laundry upstairs. The doctors said Rosita had a massive stroke and was probably dead before she hit the ground.
She was an OK housekeeper, especially for a woman in her mid eighties- she worked really hard. For those of my friends who used her as their maid we are having a short very informal service at my apartment.
She was...
BLOOD LIBEL
I have obtained a copy of an early draft of Sarah Palin’s now infamous blood libel speech.
August 2010
2 posts
GROW YOUR OWN GLENN BECK
Here’s how to grow your own Glenn Beck.
What you’ll need:
1. 2 pounds of Thigh fat from a homeless man, preferably schizophrenic.
2. Moldering baby clothes from a trash-bin at a children’s hospital.
3. Toe Jam swiped from the inner folds of a senile historians foot.
4. A bin of snuff films
5. Senator Semen
5. A cute little mouse
6. Dental Floss
7. Chest of Tea Party...
Letter to my dog
Dear Mayor Cutie,
That’s my gal! you’re my sweet little girl, I love my pam. That little ladies worn out. What happened pal, did your friend wear you down? You’re my girl. I love that gal. That little girl. Your tired. Poor little pam. So tired.
Sincerely,
Duncan Trussell
July 2010
1 post
Ways to stay cool this summer
Following is an excerpt from my upcoming E-Book “Way Of The Pro: Secrets of comfort the pros DON’T want you to know”
STAYING COOL LIKE A PRO:
The following secret cooling techniques are used by pros the world over. They are cheap, fast, and guarantee that you will have a cool summer while everyone else is too hot.
1: PCP- Always a summer favorite, this drug known as “Angel Dust” causes your...
May 2010
3 posts
The Cable that connects to the back of my TV comes...
Getting cable is like inviting a schizophrenic with horrible taste and a fixation on death to come sleep on your couch.
Drunk History Tesla vs. Edison
Drunk History vol. 6 w/ John C. Reilly & Crispin Glover from John C Reilly
Schadenfreude Bell Curve
March 2010
2 posts
Sunrise Review
Sunrise Review Kauai Hawaii Hanalei Bay March 27, 2010 The sunrises of Hawaii have been the inspiration for countless shitty tattoos and redneck van murals, so in the interest of full disclosure my attitude upon entering the beach to review the sunrise was already slanted towards the negative.
The beach itself had a deserted mid morning jerk off theater feel and the sand was a ruddy off...
I MET TIGER WOODS AT BLIZ CON
I MET TIGER WOODS AT BLIZZ CON
I’ve been playing World Of Warcraft non stop since 2003. It’s my only real pleasure in life, and if I could permanently reside within the game I would. Some of my best friends (and worst enemies) have come from World Of Warcraft, and I love it more than my family, my country, or God.
I go to each and every Blizzard event than I can, and you can...
January 2010
1 post
My trip to a poison factory
The Shemix Colthax Poison plant is located just 30 miles outside of LA in the Lower Pasadena Gulch. The Colthax poison plant is unique in that it is the only poison manufacturing factory that offers guided tours to the public. Most of the other poison factories in the United States stopped giving tours in the mid sixties, though a few still have self guided tours. I arrived at the...
August 2009
2 posts
THE RED LOBSTER CLUB
When I was in college I was in the Red Lobster Club. The club was sponsored by Red Lobster, and once a month the company would pay for us to take trains to various Red Lobsters around the East Coast. One of the rules of the club was that we had to be absolutely silent during the train rides. If anyone spoke they would not be allowed on the next trip. We took this rule very seriously, and the...
NIBBLER OR HEFFRINGTON?
I’ve been craving a dog for weeks, and I can’t decide between a Shetland Nibbler or a Prince Hafrington Manx. My friend has a nibbler, and it’s an adorable dog, but on average a nibbler MUST sleep 23 hours a day making it not as fun as the High-energy Hafrington. But I’m on the fence about the Hafrington because of it’s over sized teets and floppy lips. The...
July 2009
7 posts
duncantrussell: Just got the new I phone app that... →
duncantrussell: Solvang is great if you like... →
duncantrussell: Sorry I meant whine country. →
duncantrussell: Heading to wine country tomorrow.... →
duncantrussell: Got tickets for the memorial of... →
duncantrussell: Reading the communist manifesto on... →
duncantrussell: @ericwareheim a private roof! →
June 2009
46 posts
duncantrussell: @TheGrottoTweets of course I know! →
duncantrussell: Anderson Cooper just sent me this... →
duncantrussell: Anyone know what this is?... →
duncantrussell: RT @AaronAlberstein: 13 year old... →
duncantrussell: @sterling8099 I'm afraid that in... →
duncantrussell: RT @sterling8099: @duncantrussell... →
duncantrussell: @Freak_Jam never say never →
duncantrussell: @sterling8099 I'm afraid you're... →
duncantrussell: @sterling8099 not lying. you... →
duncantrussell: Morning walk with Anderson Cooper-... →
duncantrussell: @joerogandotnet clash of the... →
duncantrussell: @sterling8099 not lying. I know I... →
duncantrussell: RT @tkdcrazy451: @duncantrussell... →